sometimes I don’t feel like I am heard as a mother and wife (tonight being one of those nights). who cares about mom? what does she know? oh, that’s just mom talking… no biggie, let’s keep playing. But expectations are SO high as to having dinner on the table, getting the house in livable condition, and listening and being there for someone whenever they need you. NEVER visa versa…
I get interrupted and never get to finish stories or even my sentences. I rarely get my space and always have someone in my space. I get demands for snacks and food, I cook and clean up after everyone. I even get peed on and thrown up on.
so important, but unimportant…
Sure there are rewarding experiences… but sometimes, I would just like to clock out and just be Clarissa for a while. Sadly that will never happen. And most days, I wouldn’t even consider clocking out. I love being this, but I worry that me as a person, is getting lost. I am just becoming a role – a character that the playwright wrote in to fill the empty holes while the rest of the characters get to give in to their every whim without responsibility.
It is like those movies that you realize they didn’t clean up the counter in one scene, but it is cleaned up in the next… kind of like a glitch… well, guess who did the cleaning? MOM!!!
It makes me understand God and his role with his children in deeper context. We often forget that he is a person. We expect so much out of him, but rarely ever listen to him and what he has to say to us. Being a mom sure helps me understand his mercy, compassion and unconditional love and sacrifice.
my insight time is up and my one hand is tired of typing. guess what’s in the other? a baby... of course!